A New Reality---Phase IThe image of myself is distorted: like my world.
Reality has been altered: by a word.
A phone called me to hear: my fear
I am sick: Cancer.
The results of a blood test were what I wanted
To check on my hormone levels is what I need.
"Set up an appointment with a surgeon," I could not heed.
"Areas in the mammograms..." I could not think.
"Oh God, it's happening to me," the only link I could make.
"April is the cruelest month...," the poet said.
Now it's me. With Toni two days dead.
Pancreatic cancer her bitter drink, spread to her brain.
Her loss, our pain.
Now the word she did not speak spreads through my mind,
Kills any innocence that might still find.
Think. Think back, way back to that time so long ago:
When the mammograms were taken. Extra views!
Strange how I didn't really give that too much attention, this time.
I usually do. It is often done.
Strange how I really didn't give it a second thought since I have had
Some previous false scares over prominent lumps.
Odd that I wasn't waiting anxiously for the results, my truer form.
This time I'd let go of that, remembering:
They always call if there's a problem.
But no one called me. Three weeks and no one called.
Unknowing, I phoned about the blood tests.
I called and she, matter-of-factly
Told me: mind-altering news.
On the telephone.
No pillows to couch it in.
When she reads a radiology report on someone else,
My genealogy is reaching out to touch me.
It can't be true!
To live with cancer!