Breast Cancer Answers Art Gallery

ACCEPTING LIFE

September

Two weeks before surgery
and the discovery of cancer,
I told a friend I figured
I had lived half my life
at the age of 46.
Yet in the past six months,
I've mentally and emotionally died
three times,
-when I had nosebleeds
-when I coughed with bronchitis
-when the headaches were severe
convinced that cancer was consuming me.
In this last week of chemotherapy
my focus has been on the word "last"-
wanting guarantees.
Acceptance relies on reality.
Six months ago
I told my son
I didn't intend to die of cancer.
Six months ago
with a laugh
my son predicted
I'd get hit by a car
on the way to the doctor's
for my last IV.
My son was wrong.

From Journey Unknown (Journey Press, 1994)
© 1994, Margaret Phalor Barnhart


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